If you"re wondering even if it is it"s a an excellent idea come send her ex an innocent lil "Hbd!" text, permit me just give you the short answer: It"s not. Yet the long answer is a bit an ext complicated. Even dating and also relationship experts seem to go earlier and forth on the question friend ask you yourself at the very least once a year.

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Some are totally here for it:

But over there are various other times professionals would advise to… yeah, no, just put the phone down:

“If the relationship was one that brought you down, it’s finest to let sleeping dogs lie. The bottom-line: Invest her time in world that build you up,” states Wakefield.
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But permit me and also my personal opinion to vent for a second: If friend think sending out a "happy birthday!" message to who you as soon as dated/boned/were in love with/whatever appears perfectly inoffensive, you are wildly the end of touch. It"s the message message indistinguishable of a bird that paris overhead just to poop on your shoulder (while you"re wearing your favorite shirt).

It"s one of those things that civilization who like to speak to themselves "nice" but are actually damaging do together proof of their "kindness." These texts space not at all about wishing pleasure upon who you most likely hate a tiny little so lot as they"re around establishing an emotional high-ground. The mystery subtext behind every happy birthday message from an ex is: Look in ~ me, I"m therefore ~over it~ that I can wish you a "happy" day and also it"s totally fine!

There"s no such thing as one altruistic "happy birthday!" text when exes room involved. Mostly since an ex can never just say "happy birthday!" and also leave it in ~ that.

A birthday message from one ex constantly comes v a next of something horrible, like: "...and i hope you"re act well, " or, "know it"s to be a while since we speak but..."



At best, you deserve to muster increase the grace and also courage to politely respond, "Thanks!" and delete the text thread forever. But at the an extremely worst, her birthday — the someday a year it"s completely acceptable to celebrate yourself and also be selfish! — is damaged by the blast indigenous the past.

I have the right to understand the catalyst to to speak happy birthday to an ex, specifically a severe one who you skilled at the very least one birthday with. It"s a ethical quandary! If you don"t say happy birthday, will they think you"re gift salty and also are privately wishing they have actually an unhappy birthday? yet then again, if girlfriend do say happy birthday, they could not respond, or worse, they could respond with a cold "Thanks."

This would certainly all be much much easier if over there was just an developed rule for this situation. And also that dominance should be: simply don"t send the cursed text. Bury your call in the dirt for 24 hrs if girlfriend must. Because the actual finest birthday present you can offer to any ex is to leaving them the hell alone. No texts, no e-cards, no Edible arrangements baskets, no nothing. Just let them reap their unique day the method they want to — completely without you.

There are very couple of exceptions to this rule. If you and your ex are one of those odd previous couples who are honestly quiet friends, sure! Send the text. And by "friends," I typical this ex should be someone you communicate with at least three to four times a month with zero drama.


(Like, if castle texted you out of the blue on a Wednesday afternoon, friend wouldn"t feel the need to screenshot the text and forward the to all of your friends come say, "OMG, WTF, WHY IS HE texting ME??!?" If the isn"t the situation between you and your ex, or if you are unsure, don"t send it! Don"t.)

You recognize that platitude that"s like, "If girlfriend can"t speak anything nice, don"t speak anything in ~ all?" If you can"t say, "Happy birthday," to an ex there is no wishing you can actually say, "Happy birthday, you wrecked mine life and I hope her cake tastes choose a pile of sand," climate don"t to speak anything in ~ all. If you"re very lucky, her garbage ex will return the very same favor come you.


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Hannah SmothersHannah writes around health, sex, and also relationships because that rememberingsomer.com, and you have the right to follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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Taylor AndrewsTaylor is one of the sex and also relationship editors who can tell you specifically which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re quiet dreaming about your ex, and also tips on exactly how to have actually the best sex of your life (including what word you need to spell v your hips during cowgirl sex)—oh, and you have the right to follow her on Instagram here.
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