A couple month ago, I acquired a text from my first-ever boyfriend the read, “I recognize we haven’t talked in a while but I feel like I fan you one apology.” the went on to say the knew that was too late for forgiveness, however he want me to know he didn’t feel right about the method we left things. I expect it was fair offered the reality that us officially, fully ended ours year-and-a-half-long relationship as soon as he texted me speak he no love me anymore.
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To be fair, this was several months after I had actually in fact broken up with him. It was what i needed, the concrete severance since I had actually been keeping obnoxiously in contact, spewing my ongoing love because that him in between vague allusions to my post-breakup rebounds. Ns was the one who was awful, though ns didn’t totally understand just how awful till someone who broke up with me do the efforts to remain intimate afterward. He referred to as me on mine birthday, sent out me eloquent emails, want to get lunch as soon as he was in town. I agreed to go with that “I don’t love friend anymore” message in mind, preferring come tell that to prevent in person rather 보다 over the phone. When he picked me up, that told me i looked beautiful and stared at me longingly prefer we to be together. I was disgusted. Why would he finish a relationship just to action exactly, maddeningly the very same afterward?
It’s cruel, manipulative and utterly unattractive. I’m virtually glad he was so irritating about it, if only to do it that much simpler to gain over him. But of course, I had done the exact same thing v the an initial boyfriend. In ~ the time, i was working with my discomfort v having ended my first relationship, but in retrospect, the was fully irresponsible and also selfish. I required that love, and also I compelled it out of him, whether us were together or not.
It came as a surprise when he to be the one to apologize. After ~ all, we damaged up nearly three year ago. Despite we talk intermittently and also I keep in casual contact with his sister and also mom, our communication has been pretty minimal. I was type of worried to hear indigenous him the end of the blue favor this — prefer he remained in Alcoholics anonymous or deeply depressed or something. A text was a tactless method to finish things, but three year is a small long come still be regretting it. And also besides, I necessary it. He ripped turn off a band-aid I had been ache peeling turn off millimeter by millimeter. I had come to terms with our ending, therefore why hadn’t he?
We had actually lunch end the break, the an initial boyfriend and I. Somehow, i think we had more fun then 보다 we ever did when we were together. We’ve both grown for this reason much, become an ext comfortable through ourselves and also with various other people. He was a much far better conversationalist than I remember, i was much less judgemental, and I can’t aid but wonder if we can be much better if we tried again.
Everyone i’ve asked has said for sure not. My mommy was irked I also went come lunch through him. Mine roommate called me i disappear before, after and also during mine relationships, that if it take it me a year to get over that the very first time, the second time roughly would be even worse. Hell, a arbitrarily woman ns met in a bar (a delightful Egyptian consultant) told me she wished she had someone telling her “no” prior to she made decisions prefer that.
And then there’s me, through everyone telling me he’s poor news, knowing
he’s poor news, and somehow i’m still attractive to the thought of him. There’s something therefore familiar about it, so comfortable. Even if it turns out as badly together it maybe could, it would be something i anticipated, other I could even be ready for in advance.
I think that’s why it was so easy to gain over the lingering one who damaged up with me. I can see the finish of our relationship coming a mile away. It was pretty lot the same with the last male I dated too — I might see the things that would separate us practically immediately. However I remain for a while, learning the bad will only obtain worse however somehow comforted by knowing what the finishing will it is in like. It’s the effortless pairings the seem precarious, once the partner is so good that the weakest connect must be you.
Hell, no wonder ns feel better single.
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Rica Maestas is a an elderly majoring in cognitive science and also narrative studies. She column, “Cuffing Season,” runs on Wednesdays.