This is a pillar by Kira McFadden

Hannah asks: How carry out you think it"s ideal to avoid ‘she", ‘he", ‘they" from sound repetitive and overused there is no doing the very same with character names?

Kira answers: Pronouns substitute a noun, or noun phrase, and are a pro-form (a form of role word or expression the stands in for another word, phrase, i or sentence where the definition is construed via the context). Indigenous such as it, she, he, and they are examples of pronouns.

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Many new authors fall into the lull of writing something follow me the present of:

“Kaylee saw grab the water to protect against the fire Pa had actually started. She hosted the pail strictly in really hopes that the slick handle would not cause it to on slide from her grasp. She ran to the well, just stopping to capture her breath along the way. It was a lengthy run. She got to the well and dunked the bucket right into the water.”

Sentences structured as over are choppy and become boring, and also readers have a difficult time acquiring into the action*. Just how do friend remedy this? because the given example is every from the point of check out of one girl, try to focus less top top her certain actions and much more on she reactions and also observing the setting.

“Kaylee rushed come grab the water, because that the fire spread along the dried brush much faster than she or Pa had actually anticipated. This was no the year because that burning the end the weeds along the fence line, the was for sure, and the trek come the fine was lot too much to be excellent quickly. The bucket manage slipped in her grasp as she approached the well and also dunked the pail into the water.”

Try starting sentences v words various other than pronouns and avoid the typical use that pronoun, action, result—instead, switch it up. Ask yourself exactly how each sentence have the right to be rewritten. Have the right to you use another word to begin the sentence, or much better yet, the paragraph? How have the right to you show your readers those happening fairly than telling them? Also, I find to be an extremely useful when I must nix repetitive words or find various ways to usage pronouns. Because that example, if your tale takes ar inIreland, walk you know a colleen is an irish girl?

What if your novel has actually multiple characters and also a ton the head-hopping (where you move points of view regularly throughout the novel without transforming the scene)? Well, for one, head-hopping is a no-no, and I imply you have a great editor go with and allude out every change in POV. As much as having multiple personalities in a scene, occasionally you deserve to use various tools to indicate characters’ actions.

“He placed her under gently, careful not come touch she wounded arm. The stench made him retch, and also he prospered pale.“‘Will she be okay?’ the asked.“Aimee groaned.“The orderly shook she head, curls bouncing around her plump cheeks. ‘Afraid not. She pretty beat up…inside and also out.’“He had actually feared as much.“She peered through half-lidded eye at him. He never left her side, even when he knew she was going to die. That’s the man I wanted to marry, she thought. Why no I?

Here us have an instance of the POV convert mid-scene*. In this case, as an editor, i would allude out where the point of view changes and suggest the author re-write the section. Head-hopping have the right to be very an overwhelming to follow, and often leader to more pronouns being used than necessary. This is an instance of just how I would certainly re-write the step if the author requested me to:

“The festering wound compelled him come lie Aimee down through care. A stench choose rotting eggs and garbage increased from the gash, happen vomit with it. Blood drained native his cheeks as thick liquid wept indigenous the gangrenous cut.“‘Will she be okay?’“Aimee groaned.“The plump orderly shook her head, auburn curls bouncing through the motion. ‘Afraid not. She’s pretty to win up…inside and also out.’“A cold wetness slide along his cheek. ‘No…’“When he turned come the limp figure sprawled throughout the stones, he met she half-lidded gaze. Miscellaneous must have been going through that stubborn mind, however he had actually no idea what.”

In this example, the POV continues to be with the key character transparent the scene, and the number of pronouns is cut from eighteen to eleven, minus Aimee’s name. Also note the there is more showing than telling—rather than him fearing for her, tears run down his cheeks to show how the feels—and among the dialogue tags to be removed due to the fact that the speak is implied.

* Please store in mind that these examples are dramatizations—not plenty of writers structure their paragraphs and sentences this way. There space extreme instances so that i can show the choppy circulation in a restricted amount of space.

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Kira McFadden is an avid enthusiast because that all things publishing and also writing. She has worked for 2 publishing firms and has assisted local writer compile details for their works. You deserve to visit she at